Happy Mother’s Day 2025

As this Mother’s Day approaches, there are many things on my heart. First of all many women have realized that they need to make being a mom a part of their identity rather than their whole identity. This powerful shift has created the selfcare movement and the apps helping some men to be more independently thoughtful in planning us a fabulous day. In order for us to let go of planning everything they needed a way to pick it up. As we strive to find ourselves and create ourselves, it does cause a disruption to our relationships. Women have traditionally been socialized not to cause trouble or make waves, but this is now unavoidable. In order to be reborn to our new selves, we must allow the death of the old ones. We must embrace radical change. We must accept the uncomfortable waves it will cause to the status quo. If we don’t, how will we ever know what we are capable of and meant to be?

The second thing on my heart this year is Mother-onlydaughter relationships, mother-only son relationships and mother-eldest child relationships. And I’m speaking of our adult children. There is so much pressure on these relationships. The generation gap seems to be compounding. I see them as fish floundering around on land trying to grow lungs to breathe air, while we try to pull them back to the safe home in the water. It seems like never before has it been so hard to understand each other, accept our differences, and support our necessary changes. Our expectations of each other are immense and cause heartbreak when unattainable. Radical acceptance has helped me to let go of my expectations, old hopes and dreams, and assumptions for my adult kids. I have decided just to love them. No longer to judge, instruction, or manage them. If I misunderstand their thoughts and values that’s my problem to sort out with God not them. It is my job to be a strong, grounded, post they can return to again and again as they find their lungs and their land legs. Then they will come back and teach me.

Thirdly, our changing relationships with our significant others. As we change and grow, hopefully so do our partners. If not, well you can imagine. What were the needs and values we had when first entering into our long term committed relationships? What are our needs and values now? Are they aligned with those of our partners? If not, Is the difference big enough to cause a separation? Or how long do we fight to become aligned again? These are questions we must ask and answer ourselves.

Lastly, our relationships with our Mothers. My mother passed way Mother’s Day weekend 2018. Our relationship was that of a borderline-narcissist and an OCPD survivor. I resented her for taking Mother’s Day the first 19 years of my motherhood and then dying on it to lock it in as being about her death for years to come. Right away I decided she had her time and her celebrations whether they were deserved or not and now it was time for me to be celebrated. I would no longer allow her to control my Mother’s Day celebrations. Since then, I have felt free. Free to appreciate myself. Free to choose how to celebrate. Whether it’s alone, with the girls, with the kids, or with the family. Most of all, feeling permitted to do so. How will you balance celebrating yourself and your mother at the same time? Good luck and Happy Mother’s Day.